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    Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

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    ExcessKarnage18
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    Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by ExcessKarnage18 on Sat Dec 15, 2012 5:43 am

    So here’s my first movie review thread. I love watching movies and watch a few a week so I figure I have enough experience to provide some level of amateur criticism. If there’s a particular movie you guys want me to review then please let me know. Otherwise I’ll most likely be reviewing whatever I and my brother have just watched in the theatre.

    Note: My reviews might have minor spoilers. I'll try to refrain from spoiling major plot details and will forewarn you beforehand or I will use spoiler tags. I won't really hold anything back from this movie though because it's just god-awful.

    Seriously. It's that bad.

    The Man with the Iron Fists



    I figure with my first movie review we should start with something simple. I just saw this movie a few weeks ago with my brother (we see LOTS of movies together, at least once a week if not more) and thought “Wow, the internet NEEDS to hear about this steaming pile of shit.” So what is “The Man with the Iron Fists?” It’s “presented” by Quentin Tarantino, whatever that means. I thought, probably like most typical movie-goers, that it meant he was the visionary behind this. Looking over shoulders, criticizing actors, typical director stuff.

    NOPE.

    He had virtually nothing to do with this TERRIBLE train wreck. The studio cut him a check for some obscene number in order to get his name on the movie poster that way people would be enticed to see it just because they recognize the name. Do not walk into this expecting Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, or Reservoir Dogs. Do not walk into this expecting a logical story, interesting characters, and good… hell, PASSABLE writing. It’s bad. Not just disappointing or forgetfully bad. It’s embarrassing. The fact that this studio was somehow able to green light this boggles my mind.

    But why does it even exist? Simple. Money. Well, money and connections. RZA, also known as Robert Diggs is the director and one of the main characters in this film. He is a famous Hip-hop record producer responsible for producing most of the albums from the Wu-Tang Clan. To be blunt, he’s not a movie man. He’s a music man. Why is a music man doing movies? Beats me. But if anyone had the money and influence to get a terrible script green-lit and have several A-list actors on the payroll, it’s this guy.


    RZA himself. This guy seriously wishes he was Asian.

    Story and Writing: So. The story. That small but strangely important detail that basically constitutes the reason that many of us even go to the movies. Well you can tell right off the bat that RZA has absolutely no idea what he is doing. He attempts to use something called an ensemble cast where you have multiple main characters simultaneously and the movie switches between their points of view for the duration of the film. Examples include Silverado, Crash, and more recently, Cloud Atlas. It’s hard to do well, but can be absolutely amazing when done right. The problem is RZA is an inexperienced writer/director and it absolutely shows. The film cycles through 3 main characters and attempts to shoehorn some kind of relationship between them.

    The first one is RZA himself. You’ll notice him because he is the only black guy in this movie. His character (I honestly CAN’T remember his name) is working as a weaponsmith in Jungle Town China some time in the late 1800s. After gaining his freedom in Virginia, he accidentally kills a mean white guy and goes on the run. He winds up in China and falls into Buddhism where he trains in martial arts. The problem here, is that this all sounds WAY more interesting than it actually is. We don’t get this piece of his backstory until like, ¾ of the way into the movie, so we don’t get the time to like his character. He falls in love with a sex worker at the town brothel and tries to save up enough money for them to leave.

    The next one is Russell Crowe playing “Jack Blade" (how incredibly creative)! Oh, Russell. What happened to you? You’ve fallen a long way down since 2000’s “Gladiator.” Jack is an English military man who stops by the brothel at Jungle Town for a little R&R but decides to get involved in RZAs trouble because… he’s bored I guess? I dunno, they just wanted a reason to have a white guy here. His character could be totally removed from the film and it wouldn’t change the story or dialogue one bit.


    Russell Crowe's Head

    Last, Rick Yune. He plays the son of the Lion Clan leader who got murdered by his left hand. There’s nothing to really say about his performance. He plays a cliché “Avenge my father, be a hero” character but gets less screen time than the other two main characters combined so it’s really hard to care.

    Acting: Lucy Liu and Russell Crowe did fairly well but I still have trouble grasping the fact that these 2 A-list actors even accepted this script. That’s the power of money I suppose, I could see RZA offering them each a solid number (1 million-plus) for this film. Everyone else ranged from laughable to just bearable.


    The only reason anyone will see this movie.

    Cinematography: The shooting and locations were surprisingly beautiful. The film was actually shot in China, and the beautiful mountains and vistas in the background create a beautiful frame to an abysmal movie. It’s too bad most of the film is shot in uninspired and boring rooms and Chinese-themed restaurants.

    Choreography (Action): Gratuitous to the point of being mundane. Action with no purpose or reason except to show off all the different kinds of way to shoot blood out of a person’s body. Literally, I was getting BORED of watching people getting dismembered.

    OVERALL SCORE : 2 out of 10

    Don't see it. Don't tell anyone about it. Forget it even exists.


    Last edited by Jet on Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:25 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Picture Hosting)
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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Jet on Sat Dec 15, 2012 6:28 am

    Yeah I didn't even know what this was about from the commercials. I suppose its fitting it was terrible. Something that DOES have Tarantinos name is django unchain ed. I'd be interested in hearing some thoughts on that. I'm sure jec will also give you some conversation off the hobbit
    Fuk autocorrect seriously


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Guest on Sat Dec 15, 2012 10:57 am

    Good review. I saw some ads for the movie before, but I never thought to go see it. Something about it always seemed a little off, I guess since it's not an actual Tarantino movie it's actually way off.
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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Cyan on Sat Dec 15, 2012 7:01 pm

    the only reason to see the movie is for lucy lui


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Guest on Sat Dec 15, 2012 7:16 pm

    You just been made officially official dawg. Well stickied anyway.
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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Cyan on Sat Dec 15, 2012 7:27 pm

    yeah get that official stickyness all over you and your corner


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Jet on Sat Dec 15, 2012 7:42 pm

    Oh I heard silver linings playbook was good too btw. & Jennifer lawrence is hot


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Falcone on Wed Jan 02, 2013 1:20 am

    Jet wrote:Yeah I didn't even know what this was about from the commercials. I suppose its fitting it was terrible. Something that DOES have Tarantinos name is django unchain ed. I'd be interested in hearing some thoughts on that. I'm sure jec will also give you some conversation off the hobbit
    Fuk autocorrect seriously
    the man with the iron fists sucked so badly...i went on cheap day at my theatre and it still wasnt worth it. im supposed to see django (and yes the d is silent) on friday so hopefully i can send in a review then if i get that chance...and the hobbit..9 YEARS IVE WAITED...still havent seen it


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by kcdjedi on Wed Mar 06, 2013 8:58 pm

    Kara (my laydeh) and I saw this in Georgia and I can honestly say I fell asleep ten minutes in. I awoke just before the final scene. No idea what happened, but it must have been shitty, because Kara told me to not even bother streaming it.


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Guest on Wed Jun 05, 2013 8:01 am

    I want more reviews Doc, stat.
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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by ExcessKarnage18 on Sat Jul 13, 2013 6:40 pm

    Lone wrote:I want more reviews Doc, stat.

    Gonna see Pacific Rim tonight, I'll make that my next one.


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Jet on Sat Jul 13, 2013 6:50 pm

    Cyan watched it and liked it. He tried to get me to write a review based on what he saw, the fuck?


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Cyan on Mon Jul 15, 2013 10:36 pm

    lol my review was ossum


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Guest on Tue Jul 16, 2013 2:24 pm

    Nice! I'm gonna see Pacific Rim tonight myself, so I'll be able to weigh in pretty well on the movie too.
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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Jet on Tue Jul 16, 2013 6:41 pm

    Evangelion


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Jec on Tue Jul 16, 2013 7:06 pm

    Do Man of Steel.


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Guest on Tue Jul 16, 2013 10:36 pm

    Jet wrote:Evangelion
    That's basically what Pacific Rim is, just with less whining and more awesome.

    The little Asian girl in Pacific Rim cries less than Shinji, also she could kick his ass.
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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Iri on Thu Aug 01, 2013 12:52 pm

    Wow.....I don't really care for Lucy Liu (she never OVERLY impressed me as an actress but I do like her roles in a few films) but RUSSEL CROWE in this stinker?

    God Russel, what were you thinking?

    Anyway Karnage, since you said you'd take requests I'd like you to review a personal favorite of mine; Layer Cake.


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Eri on Fri Aug 02, 2013 6:59 am

    pacfic rim 7.5/10 shiettts given!

    pre good shit, but cheesy as shit and main theme song was shit.


    shieeettttttt.



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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by ExcessKarnage18 on Sat Aug 24, 2013 12:22 am

    Oh, NOW I get the requests, lol.

    I just wanted to let you guys know that the reviews are taking forever because I officially started medical school a few weeks ago. I'll try to update when/if I can but that might be pretty tough considering my school schedule.


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Jet on Sat Aug 24, 2013 12:27 am

    Can't wait for your med school review!


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Jet on Sat Dec 28, 2013 4:40 am

    Seven psychopaths was so weird it was funny. Fun movie


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Jet on Tue Jan 28, 2014 3:18 pm

    Just watched


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Jec on Tue Jan 28, 2014 7:36 pm

    Was it any good?


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    Re: Karnage's Movie Korner #1: Kingconker's Pub

    Post by Jet on Tue Jan 28, 2014 7:58 pm

    I dont regret watching it, I definitely can agree with its criticism of capitalism but...it just kinda felt flat for me. It had big names in the film: Brad Pitt, Sam Shepard, Ray Liotta, Gandolfini and just felt they were underused. I was expecting more I guess, a twist or some tension. The dude does what he set out to do and its really the process of it what you see on screen.


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